I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
