I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
