he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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