Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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