discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Shame is for Republicans.
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