you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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