Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
