Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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