the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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