I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
