How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize