I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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