booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
