worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
