Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
