How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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