I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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