No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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