Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
