Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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