i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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