I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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