I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
