You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
