Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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