He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
