I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize