ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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