Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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