She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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