You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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