best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
