THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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