y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i've created a new STD.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
