No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
