How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
