It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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