if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
