I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
