I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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