He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
