New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
