you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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