his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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