shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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