i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
