Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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