Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
