I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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