I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize