This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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