I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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