I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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