i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
