I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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