I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
