But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
