YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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