I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
