I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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