True but thats because hes a fetus.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
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