I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
