Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize