Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
